Major Bank Announces New Form of Social Media Currency to Booster Economy

by Marcus Sheridan

Breaking News***

In a shocking turn of events, Bank of Americas has announced today a partnership with the US Government and the National Business Stimulus Association (NBSA) a plan that will start allowing businesses small and large to use their social media “currency” as a substitute for actual dollars.

In a statement to their customers and constituents, the Bank’s President and CEO, Beth Godin, said:

“We are thrilled to announce this partnership with NBSA as it now allows the many businesses that are currently behind or defaulting on their loans to “cash in” their social media followers and in-turn maintain positive credit. For too long, these companies have been building Twitter Followers, Facebook Fans, and the like—and, for the majority,  have yet to turn those magical numbers into cold, hard cash. Now, because of this agreement with NBSA, we’ll be bring the phrase “Like us on Facebook” to a whole new level!”

As word of this news broke around the globe, it sent major waves throughout the social media realm.

According to some sources, Mark Zuckerburg, who has been under major heat from shareholders recently due to Facebook’s plummeting stock value shouted upon hearing the news, “Ha! Redemption is mine!”

Reports from sources within Twitter’s management team also expressed jubilation with one executive saying, “Finally, after months and months of losses this little blue bird will actually turn a profit!”

So confident is Godin in what this program will do for the US economy that she made the following bold prediction:

“I can see a day when we no longer even use cash. Everything will be based on “social” credit. Debit cards will be tied-in directly to your social media accounts. Loan approvals will be dictated by your Klout Scores. Yes, this is the beginning of the end for the dollar as we know it, and frankly, it’s about time this monetary system started recognizing the numbers that truly matter, and not the frivolous ones that have burdened this economy and businesses for far too long—like cash flow, profit and loss, accounts receivable, etc.”

Despite the jubilation of so many, there have clearly been a few holdouts.

In particular, Marcus Sheridan of the renowned Sales Lion Institute for Marketers with a Brain said the following:

“I’ve always said the act of chasing fans and followers just for the sake of “numbers” and empty engagement vs. true relationship-building was a fruitless and frivolous activity. Well, apparently, I was wrong. I’d like to thank the US Government and the NBSA for making me out to be a total idiot on this one…now excuse me while I head on over to Fiverr and buy 1000 Twitter followers for 5 bucks.”

As with any major story, we will be keeping you updated on how this landmark program unfolds…

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