Major Bank Announces New Form of Social Media Currency to Booster Economy

by Marcus Sheridan

Breaking News***

In a shocking turn of events, Bank of Americas has announced today a partnership with the US Government and the National Business Stimulus Association (NBSA) a plan that will start allowing businesses small and large to use their social media “currency” as a substitute for actual dollars.

In a statement to their customers and constituents, the Bank’s President and CEO, Beth Godin, said:

“We are thrilled to announce this partnership with NBSA as it now allows the many businesses that are currently behind or defaulting on their loans to “cash in” their social media followers and in-turn maintain positive credit. For too long, these companies have been building Twitter Followers, Facebook Fans, and the like—and, for the majority,  have yet to turn those magical numbers into cold, hard cash. Now, because of this agreement with NBSA, we’ll be bring the phrase “Like us on Facebook” to a whole new level!”

As word of this news broke around the globe, it sent major waves throughout the social media realm.

According to some sources, Mark Zuckerburg, who has been under major heat from shareholders recently due to Facebook’s plummeting stock value shouted upon hearing the news, “Ha! Redemption is mine!”

Reports from sources within Twitter’s management team also expressed jubilation with one executive saying, “Finally, after months and months of losses this little blue bird will actually turn a profit!”

So confident is Godin in what this program will do for the US economy that she made the following bold prediction:

“I can see a day when we no longer even use cash. Everything will be based on “social” credit. Debit cards will be tied-in directly to your social media accounts. Loan approvals will be dictated by your Klout Scores. Yes, this is the beginning of the end for the dollar as we know it, and frankly, it’s about time this monetary system started recognizing the numbers that truly matter, and not the frivolous ones that have burdened this economy and businesses for far too long—like cash flow, profit and loss, accounts receivable, etc.”

Despite the jubilation of so many, there have clearly been a few holdouts.

In particular, Marcus Sheridan of the renowned Sales Lion Institute for Marketers with a Brain said the following:

“I’ve always said the act of chasing fans and followers just for the sake of “numbers” and empty engagement vs. true relationship-building was a fruitless and frivolous activity. Well, apparently, I was wrong. I’d like to thank the US Government and the NBSA for making me out to be a total idiot on this one…now excuse me while I head on over to Fiverr and buy 1000 Twitter followers for 5 bucks.”

As with any major story, we will be keeping you updated on how this landmark program unfolds…

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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Russ Henneberry September 18, 2012 at

Well done. Entertaining and informative.

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

I do my best Russ ;-)

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Dan Moyle (@danmoyle) September 18, 2012 at

Marcus, you rock. Your satire is refreshing.

Now, I’m off to cash these followers in for a latte.

Dan

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

You know Dan, Klout has been known to give away a few lattes here and there….just saying ;-)

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Sean Davis September 18, 2012 at

This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I my face is as straight as possible right now. The only thing keeping me from just giving up on life right now is your sarcasm, Marcus. :P

Seriously, they need to stop. That second statement from Godin is so incredibly ridiculous. I don’t even know what to say.

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

Hahaha, thanks Sean, glad to give you a smile brother :-)

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Rebecca Livermore September 18, 2012 at

Glad you have a brain. ;)

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

Only on certain occasions Rebecca ;-)

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Marshall Ponzi September 18, 2012 at

Ha!! Love it! Is this what the Fed would call “Monetative Easing?” (aka ME 2)

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

Yes, that’s it Marshall! Who knew we could get so “Economics 101″ here on TSL? ;-)

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Cliff Pollan September 18, 2012 at

Terrific! When well the banks start to trade these as derivative instruments? I am sure they can make a secondary market worth even more then collateralized debt.

Can you and I collaborate to make a free grader product that will value this new currency?

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

Careful Cliff, you’ve got a serious business model on your hands there ;-)

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Rob Skidmore September 18, 2012 at

Two questions

How do I become a card carrying member of The Sales Lion Institute for Marketers with a Brain?

and

Do we have jackets?

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Marcus Sheridan September 19, 2012 at

Hahaha, now that’s a heck of an idea Rob!! ;-)

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Mauro D'Andrea September 19, 2012 at

I wish I read it yesterday…
Yesterday I spent 5$ at McDonald! I would have used that money to buy Twitter followers if I had known it :)
I’ll try to barter 1000 followers for a pair of flip-flops…

Marcus you are the best!

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Joe September 19, 2012 at

I can’t wait to tell all my followers (I think I’m up to 19, not including my mother) that they will soon be deluged with offers for low interest mortgages, free checking accounts with some ads for Viagra thrown in…

This is going to be a great day.!!!

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Julia Stewart September 19, 2012 at

Love it!

Actually, MovenBank sort or does this with their CredScore.

Here’s their funny video by GapingVoid: http://www.whatiscred.com/

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Debbie Page September 19, 2012 at

“Duncan, hurry you have to read Marcus’ blog. No really. Right now and tell me, Is this for real?!!”

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Adam September 19, 2012 at

I’m just waiting for Storage Wars to find my locker full of Social Media account passwords! Good as gold, good as gold!

~Adam

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Lee Kirkby September 19, 2012 at

Hilarious Marcus. So as a Canadian based social player have you got the exchange rate pegged for Canadian likes and followers…we always want our currency to be different.

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Laurie Eno / The Daily Corgi September 19, 2012 at

Wow — I nearly believed this! For about 30 seconds, anyway. Thanks for the laugh and insight. Social Media numbers don’t necessarily mean real engagement. It takes actual, sustained effort to cultivate and maintain relationships with real people in the real world via ANY means or mode.

You simply can’t buy people’s genuine interest in what you do.

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Jeevan Jacob John September 19, 2012 at

Interesting satire, Marcus.

Let’s hope that something like this won’t happen (well, it could happen given the power and influence of social media and business that operate on it).

Like you mentioned, all the chase behind numbers is just time wasting. There is absolutely no using of getting “N” number of followers, unless that “N” number of followers are all really conversational and engaged (it could happen, if the N is really low like in the hundreds, beyond that, we won’t be able to have an active relationship with everyone).

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Jon Loomer September 19, 2012 at

Sweet. So, uh… How much are those bots that are following me and liking my Page? I’m ready to cash them in. Yesterday…

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Phil Donaldson September 19, 2012 at

Dude,

Mr. Unfollowr has been bringing me down. You brought me back up again.

Seriously though, you should be writing for The Onion.

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Leena September 20, 2012 at

That was a great post Marcus. Liked the way you have written it! :) And had a good laugh too, reading all the comments and your replies to them. Thank you. I’m on a different time zone, yesterday was a holiday for us and your post kick started my day for me…smiling away.

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Marcus Sheridan September 21, 2012 at

Always happy to hand out smiles Leena! :-)

Marcus

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Davina K. Brewer September 20, 2012 at

KNEW it. Totally going to start charging for tweets, comments, likes. Pins have to be double, right?! Now can you spare a Fiverr? I needs to buy some followers. ;-)

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Marcus Sheridan September 21, 2012 at

Clearly pins are double Davina ;-)

Good seeing ya lady!

Marcus

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Steve Dorfman September 21, 2012 at

Super clever and quite entertaining, Marcus. Well done, my friend, well done.

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