13 Guaranteed Ways to Blog and Be Totally Miserable

by Marcus Sheridan

miserable-blogger

Just think, you can be just like this guy.....

I hate blogging. It stinks. No, better stated, it really, really stinks. Whether it’s your personal blog or the blog for your small business, the whole idea of content production ain’t no fun. In fact, in my quest to make sure you know how to get the least amount of enjoyment out of this journey so as to experience the stresses and frustrations that come my way each and every day, I’ve come up with the following ground-breaking list. Here goes folks……..

13 Guaranteed ways to be a Miserable Blogger

1. Choose a Topic You Have No Passion For: Why on Earth would you ever want to spend hours and hours of your life writing about something that you actually care about?? Think about this for a second: It’s 1am in the morning and you’ve got a post due the next day. Would you rather talk about something that really, really gets you jazzed up or would you prefer to drudge through another article about something you’ve grown to hate on one of your silly niche sites?? I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the niche sites!

2. Do It For the Money Baby: Ahh, for the love of the green paper….that’s what I’m saying! It always thrills me when I’m approached by people interested in starting a blog and the first thing they speak of is just how much money XYZ niche can make them. Yes, such words are music to my ears as I know all the money in the world absolutely stinks as a motivator, especially when it comes to that crazy and frivolous thing called ‘inspired writing’.

3. Don’t Comment: Why would you want to waste your time and effort commenting on another person’s site?? Look people, if readers don’t want to comment on your site, forget ‘em. You don’t need them anyway. So never, ever waste your time making others feel good through comments. Plus, if you do, they may actually come back on your blog and have nice things to say….This would be very bad, as it could make you smile, maybe even make you want to start making friends and things like that. Again, all a waste of time and there’s no way you’ll be miserable with such personal interactions.

4. Don’t Share: This goes along with #3. Look ladies and gents, if you want to be mad and frustrated with your blog the last thing you want to do is risk others reading your work and sharing it with their friends and network. This being said, don’t ever share, tweet, ‘like’, or any of that other junk. Focus on YOU. It ain’t about THEM. Trust me, nothing makes me feel worse than seeing my TweetMeMe button with anything but a big, fat ZERO next to it.

5. Don’t Mention Others: When you write a post, never, ever look for opportunities to mention and link back to other bloggers. If you lose your mind and start linking back to other people’s sites they might catch wind of this and actually visit your site….or even worse they might even send you an email thanking you for the mention. That hack Tristan Higbee is famous for this and because of such acts of kindness he’s busy all day dealing with the hoards of traffic on his site. Ha, serves that guy right!

6. Don’t EVER Contact Someone Directly: As I just mentioned, direct contact can be quite damaging to your miserable level. You see, a direct contact with someone via email or a medium like Skype can take what is a general ‘acquaintance’ and lead to something much greater….like that nasty word ‘friendship’. And as we all know, it’s hard to be miserable when you’re too busy making new friends all over the world that are ready and willing to help you in any way they can….Yikes, the sound of such a thing makes me quiver!

7. Don’t Have a Writing Plan: In our continued quest to be miserable, it’s critical that we’re never able to ‘get comfortable’ with our blog. That’s why set plans like ‘I will post every Monday and Thursday’ are a very bad thing. On the other hand, never having any clue when you’re going to write and possibly missing weeks at a time simply because ‘you got too busy’ are great ways to get frustrated with your blog.

8. Don’t Delegate: Why in the world would you want help with your blog? This is especially true for a company where there are many employees and therefore the potential for many content producers. Because delegation leads to a stress-free blog with tons of unique content, one must learn to depend on no one. This way your work load will be too much to bear and you’ll be stressed each week as you try to find time to write your next article. Won’t that be fun!

9. Don’t Converse: I can’t stand it when I see bloggers actually taking the time to reply to each and every comment left on their blog. Seriously, if you’re looking to be mad at the world why on Earth would you bother engaging in healthy, productive conversation with your readers??? It makes no sense people!

10. Don’t Use Personal Experiences: Personal experiences are the bane of my existence. They lead to happy thoughts and reader engagement—two actions that any miserable blogger like me want no parts of. I see these writers out there using personal experiences in their stories all the time and yapping off how their posts only take 30 minutes to write and they’re smiling the whole time. Talk about gag me with a spoon!

11. Don’t Use CommentLuv, ReplyMe, and other Plugins: Any time a plugin cross-promotes other blogs and enhances better communication, we have a problem. CommentLuv and ReplyMe are two such plugins that everyone is talking about and they both make me sick. Whatever you do, don’t use them!!

12.  Don’t Write at the Level of Your Readers: Why would you want your readers to actually understand what you have to say? Don’t you think you’ll be way more miserable if you talk down to them and use a vernacular that’s well above their level?? Of course you would, so try it!

13. Whatever You Do, Don’t Smile: I had to end with this one. I never write with a smile. In fact, I frown and squint my eyes and sometimes even yell at my computer. Talk about feeling awful…these actions work great!

So there are 13 guaranteed ways to be a miserable blogger. And although I don’t usually promote comments and further conversation, I’m going to change my tune today and ask readers if there are any other ‘miserable’ behaviors and actions that I missed, as I’m sure everyone is just itching to try out these self-defeating ideas. ;-)

PS: **Remember what I said about comments….leaving one here might actually bring us both a smile, so be careful!!

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