I was a bit taken back by this, so I went to re-read my post again to see what curse word I used because I wasn’t aware that I swore in the article. I read it a few times again and again and couldn’t find anything, and then I found it…

The word was… “crap”.

Now, there are a few points to consider about this.

(1) My website is clearly targeting adults over 18. In fact my terms and conditions clearly state that if you are not over 18, you should not be reading my site. So, first of all people who are worried about their kids on the Internet should install Netnanny or some other software that monitors and blocks all websites except the ones that the parents allow like Disney.com.

It is not my responsibility to monitor what websites their children visit.

(2) Secondly, I am not really use what universe this woman lives in but if she’s under the impression that her 8 or 9 year old son has not heard words *MUCH* worse than “crap”, she is living in “lala” land. Does she not realize that kids in grade 1 use much worse language than that on the playground?

I am actually concerned for her kids because she seems disconnected from reality.

Anyway, outside of that incident I have been getting really clear lately on the fact that I need to “tighten” my audience. Meaning, I need to polarize more and get more specific as to who I am targeting, because by trying to target everyone I am actually targeting no-one.

This cursing issues is a prime example of this. On my Blog I rarely curse, and often soften the word I usually want to say with a much softer word. However, once in a while I will use words like “crap” or “piece of sh&#” etc. So in that sense I think I am not really 100% connecting with people who get offended by that – and at the same time I am not connecting with people who are OK with cursing when I soften the words.

In effect I’m not really making either of them happy. Now, I personally LOVE Frank Kern and his style and Gary Vaynerchuk and I love that they swear on stage. I think it shows how genuine they are and they connect with me 100% since I talk like that with my friends every day.

So I guess what I’m saying is this:

Step 1 – Get REALLY clear who your audience is.

Step 2 – Figure out whether cursing is something that is acceptable / preferable with them.

Step 3 – Target your audience and speak to them in their language. Don’t be afraid to alienate all others who don’t fit your profile.

I would argue that this speaker you went to see was clear in his target audience and the person he was targetting. I would then say that this gentleman you described talking to was NOT his target audience.

I bet a certain % of the room left disappointed by the cursing, but I bet the rest of the people connected more deeply with the speaker.

Tony Robbin’s doesn’t use curse words to get a “rise” out of his audience. He uses them as a very specific pattern interrupt technique that works today in 2010. Jim Rohn would be much less effective today as he was in his time because people today do swear, and all Robbins is doing is evolving with the times.

It’s interesting though how this works. When you heard that Robbins uses curse words on stage, it turned you off from him. When I first saw him curse, I immediately connected with him more because he now seemed way more authentic than before when he never swore and to me seemed “fake”.

Just my 2 cents.

-Paul
.-= Paul´s last blog ..Why I Reinstalled AdSense on My Blog in 2010 – Reason 5 =-.

Tony Robbins is another story. Like you, I’m very familiar with Tony. I’ve seen all his stuff. And to be quite honest, I’ve not been impressed with his direction these past few years. In fact, when I wrote this article he was one of the people I was thinking most about. He used to communicate differently than he does now. And why has it changed?

Although there could be many reasons, I frankly don’t feel he is nearly as inspired in thought as he used to be, especially when his mentor was the GREAT Jim Rohn, a man that spoke about this very same subject and very much shared the same beliefs I have on the matter. Rohn was arguably the best of the 20th century at what he did. He wasn’t about Jim Rohn and impressing others, he was about good-’ol self-improvement in its purest and simplest forms. I can guarantee you Rohn did not mentor Robbins in his use of 4-letters to ‘get a rise’ out of his audience.

So although you’re example of Tony using language is very true, I do not believe for one second it makes him more effective, as his earlier years are clearly an indication of such.

Regardless, awesome of you to stop by and add so much to the conversation Paul. Keep doing great things over there on your blog, love the design you’ve created.

Here’s why…

Firstly, I’d have to say that it all depends on the situation and people have to use discretion appropriately. For example, if you’re at a children’s birthday party – you shouldn’t swear. Even if your own kids are exposed to vulgar language, it’s no excuse to expose other kids to it.

Having said that, since you’ve given examples of two legends, I’ll offer examples of a few modern “legends” and how they use the occasional curse word effectively.

#1 – Frank Kern – Modern world marketing genius. Frank is well known for swearing on stage. His events are attended by adults over 18 who are totally aware of what to expect from Frank.

Frank uses humor and swearing as ways to provide entertainment while learning. It’s kind of like entertainment+education rolled into one. He is matching the natural language of his audience. I curse, my friends curse, everyone I know over the age of 18 curses, so why pretend?

Frank’s message is to employ AUTHENTICITY in your communication with clients, so he is just being authentic. Meaning, he’s not adding any extra curse words you wouldn’t hear by being over at his house for dinner. But he is also not subtracting any.

Frank also takes his shoes and socks off and goes on stage barefoot. Everything he does is masterfully planned before he goes on stage and cursing is part of his “personality”.

#2 – Tony Robbins – Yes, Tony Robbins the personal development guru swears on stage. I didn’t even know this from his courses/books, but when I bought one of his DVD sets on relationships the DVD’s have swearing on them that was very surprising to me.

The swearing is totally explained though. Robbins uses it as a way to interrupt people’s patterns. It is actually fully explained by the psychologist who did the DVD’s with him as to why it is so effective.

Each swear word is carefully chosen for it’s effectiveness in the given situation.

Besides these two examples though, I think there are other reasons where cursing makes sense. One of those reasons is matching your audience. By trying to be polite and not curse, when in “real life” you do curse, you’re not being authentic.

I love watching Frank Kern videos, I love watching Gary Vaynerchuk and Tony Robbins at their best. I don’t mind that they curse, in fact I applaud them for having the guts to do it.

I wouldn’t want my kids watching their videos but kids are not their audience.

If you saw the impact a well placed “f-bomb” has on interrupting a persons pattern – such as Tony Robbins uses – you might look at it differently. It’s no different than when Tony Robbins dumped water on a lady to interrupt her pattern when she was going into “victim” mode.

There is a difference between what these people do and what some people do, however, where they use profanity simply because they run out of adjectives.

-Paul
.-= Paul´s last blog ..Why I Reinstalled AdSense on My Blog in 2010 – Reason 5 =-.